I don't want to believe
When people use the word ‘science’ they normally mean the process of tying concepts together into theories and testing them against ‘experience’. This process (which developed during stage 3) was founded on a prior stage in human development when man began (some time during stage 1) to experience reality primarily through the concentrated, focusing, excluding and dividing mode of awareness used to perceive and isolate things from amongst the bewildering blended totality of what is going on. Man then represented these isolated things as abstract ideas, facts, measurements and symbols which he believed captured reality. As self took charge of awareness these beliefs took on new life, manifesting, on the one hand, as the gods (and God) of ancient history and, on the other, as the rational worldview of ancient history — which, ever since, have been antagonistic to each other. When Dawkins or Hitchens write books denouncing ‘God’ they attack the gods and God of supernatural religions; abstract notions based on the same faith-based science (faith in the intrinsic trustworthiness of mind-shaped objects and ideas) as their own rational universe.
I don't want to believe. I don't want to believe that's all. I don't want to believe that we have no real purpose. I don't want to believe that my birth and death has no significance excepting a close circle of other mortals. I don't want to believe that I don't have to believe.
I read the post I've quoted in March 2017. It is about different views of God. Humanity evolves and its gods too. Where we arrive, however, denouncing God and laughing all the way to the beginning of history about the idea of God.
The insignificant man also evolves, his ideas, his gods, his ghosts. It's almost impossible not to evolve today, we are continuously under flood of differing information and opinions. One has to lock himself to the basement with the religious books written a thousand years ago not to evolve.
Some people may do this but I cannot. Could not. I cannot stop my views on God to change. Although not an Atheist, I'm moving towards a more abstract version. I don't know what will I think next, (can you?), but from the journey I took, it's obvious that I'm not becoming more religious.
The insignificant man has his crises. He will find God, maybe, or himself.